The Ugly Dance

http://theuglydance.com/?v=jkayxnivfn

This is just hilarious. It's me. Doing the ugly dance! haha!

For a good laugh... just follow the link...

Black & White

I like to watch this video about every month or so. It really encourages me. Please take the time to watch it. Also, please watch part 2 that pops up at the end. Altogether it's about 13-15 min. Well worth it!

Please forgive me

I had a little hiatus for a while. Partly, I got too busy to write. Which just means I didn't take time to slow down & contemplate what all the Lord was doing in my life & in me. And partly, the daunting task of pressing on overwhelmed me a bit. So I allowed myself to become distracted. It only took a few days for me to forget about this blog. To forget to be focused & mindful of what I need to be doing to move into the "next" God has shown me. Enough so, that I began considering other "nexts" that I wanted to do. Other jobs to possibly pursue. Other ministries that look appealing. That look fun. I even caught myself saying "I know God wants me to _____, but..." And I would allow just enough conviction to last the day. And then the next day I'd be back to trying to think up my "next." Due to a phone call, I'm back on track. Well, getting back on track.

Shimmer

I don't even know where to begin telling you about the last few days. Well, really the last couple of weeks. Overwhelming. In the best possible way. God is just pounding me over the head with such gentle nudges and whispers. Of His goodness. Of His love. For others. For ME! That I am important to Him. And not just like everyone else. But that I am His favorite! That I am chosen. That He wants to use me to impact others for Him. That He hears me. My emotions move Him. He desires good for me. He has planned good for me. All things work together for my good. That He is excited over me. Over my life. Where I am. And where He is taking me. I am overwhelmed.

He's taking things I knew about Him (in my mind) and turning them into things I know of Him (in my heart). My faith is strengthening. My belief is growing. My trust is deepening. My heart is softening. My mind is renewing.

You know how when something sparkles, there are little shimmers of light that grab you. It's not one big light that overpowers all of a sudden. But, rather, these subtle glimpses of light. They are captivating. Beautiful. That is the way God is revealing Himself to me lately. Through everything around me. These little revelations that grab my attention. That captivate me with their beauty. That draw me away.

He has definately done some big things for me in the last few days. He completely healed my cold during the sermon Sunday morning. Congestion, inflammation, headache, sore throat. Gone. And I didn't realize it until we stood to sing during the ministry time. He has provided a car for me. Through a significant anonymous donation, made it possible for me to buy a car. But even then, He used the healing and provision as ways to show me He loved me. Not just show off what He could do. I could wake up tomorrow with the flu and no car again and I would still be as much in awe of Him as I am right now. I am very thankful. But I am more thankful for Him opening my eyes to how He sees me than I am of the "stuff" He provided for me.

I want to live the rest of my life in awe over the shimmers of revelation. To see new layers of His beauty. Of His love. To be fascinated. By my Maker. My Comforter. My King. My Beloved.

With Him

When God was first inviting me on this adventure into becoming an intercessory missionary, I asked Him to grow my passion for it. To turn my weak "yes" into something I truly desired. And He has been doing that. Slowly but surely. I look forward to times when I get to sit down with my prayer list and my prayer journal and start talking to Him. When I get to lift others up in prayer. To declare goodness and blessings over their life. I'm not really sure I expected to already be noticing a difference in my desire. I thought it might take a few months. I'm not sure why I thought it would take longer, but I did. I'm not sure why I don't expect God to answer quickly.

That has been a theme of the past week or so for me. Timing. That God hears and responds quickly. Not that I didn't think He could. It had been my experience that He didn't. At least not with me. I was accustomed to waiting. I had learned to expect to wait. That patience was always the lesson. That something must change in me before He would answer. That I wasn't [fill-in-the-blank] enough for Him to respond. To give me what I asked for. To earn His favor and goodness. But that isn't the gospel. Nothing I do will ever "earn" me His goodness towards me. He is good towards me because of who HE is, not because of who I am! I knew this already, but I am still learning how to live it out. What it looks like with flesh on it. I still have to catch myself. To identify where I think it is about me. It has never been about me. It will never be about me. It is all about Him. His love. His glory. His goodness. His power. His mercy. His justice. He just invites me to join Him along the way because He likes being with me. He enjoys my company. His desire is for me. Not because of who I am, but because He designed me exactly how He wanted me. He fashioned me to be His favorite one. All I have to do is be me. With Him.

Ready to Bloom

To protect the other party, this praise will be super vague. But I was praying for a friend Friday night. And tonight I experienced answered prayer! It was beautiful.

It's a little funny that I feel called into the House of Prayer and find myself almost surprised that God heard my prayer and chose to answer. That my request moved His heart to response. My faith and belief are so weak sometimes. I have too much head knowledge. I know the doctrine or theology but don't believe it. Not enough to trust in it. I wanna get to that point. Where my heart is ravished by Him. Where I walk in confidence of who He says I am. Where I am described as loving, joyful & compassionate. It will be uncomfortable to get there. Life as I know it won't get me there. All the more reason I want to be in the House of Prayer. To sit at His feet. Hear Him talk to me. For Him to show me His heart. For me. For others. To see Him move in, around & through me like never before. It shall be a season in the Refiner's fire. Intense. Painful. Yet beautiful when I come out of it with the lies and self-doubt burned away. I will get there. And I will die a thousand deaths to get there. It will hurt more than I think I can bear. For I can no longer live. It must be Him living in me. That is where true beauty is found. I am His garden. And I've avoided His pruning shears long enough. The weeds of my life are slowly strangling me to death. I want to bloom for Him. I cannot make myself bloom. I cannot will it to happen. But He can. And He wants to change me into a beautiful blooming garden. Beauty that draws others in. Beauty that causes others to gasp in awe of His ability.

Caught in the In Between

My goal for today was to sit and write about what was on my heart. Or on my mind. Or what God was teaching me. But every time I tried to think about what I wanted to write, I kept coming up with a big fat blank. Didn't feel inspired to share anything. Nothing witty. Thought provoking. Meaningful. Not even significant doubts or fears. Lessons not yet learned. And I decided I was going to write anyway. Sometimes there are days where you feel like, despite your best efforts - well, some effort, you are just drifting along.

Maybe the lesson is to press in on days like this. Or to purpose to look for His beauty in something. Or maybe it is just to find peace and rest knowing I am His. Even if I don't feel Him there. Even if I don't hear Him saying anything.

I found myself in a weird mood tonight. Nothing wrong, but not yet content. Something feels missing. And I'm not sure what it is. Could be knowing there is more to my life than what I'm currently doing. Maybe it is knowing there are promises from Him so far unfulfilled. Maybe He tried to draw me away today and I missed it. Maybe He had a nugget for me and I didn't want to go look for it. Maybe He is showing me how this world is not my home. That I was made to long for heaven. To gaze upon His beauty.

I feel caught in the in between. Between what I'm doing and where God has called me. Between where I'm at and what He promised me. Between this world and heaven. Neither one are home just yet. Feel like an alien in both. Maybe that's what Paul means when he talks about the path being so narrow. Others can't go with you on your journey. Because it is yours - not theirs. You must walk away from friends & security to continue walking toward Him. ... Can't help but feeling lost in the in between - even when I know I'm on the right path headed in the right direction.

What do you expect?

Funny how busy life can get. I seem to be a master at filling up my life and staying busy. But I'm not so convinced that I really get all that much done with all the chaos. And I am letting others determine my schedule and day more and more. Relying on others for transportation had definately been humbling, but how do I learn to be a good steward of my time when I am not completly in charge of when I come & go? Lessons still to be learned.

Not that I don't have a fair share of frustrations in life right now, but the overwhelming cloud over me is hopefulness. Expectancy. I honestly believe God is moving in Macon right now. I don't know what is coming, but I know that something is coming soon. I believe revival is coming to Macon. And not just a revival meeting. But widespread heart change. Turning back to God. Expectant of God. Believing God is who He says He is. Believing we are who He says we are. Sons & daughters of the Most High. Possessing all power of the Holy Spirit. Capable of every good work of the Holy Spirit. To encourage. To prophesy. To heal the sick. To impact the world around us for the Kingdom. These things are coming. And I believe they are coming soon.

the beginnings

I'm starting this blog as a way to document my own thoughts as well as to communicate what all I am learning & going through to those who are partnering with me. This is the best way I know how to communicate what is going within me to those I cannot have frequent face to face conversations with.