So I'll go

The last week or more has been nothing but stress. The panic has set in realizing the amount of stuff that needs to happen. The To Do List is not shrinking.  It is so overwhelming that I don't even know where to start. What little I have accomplished was cleaning out my closet of the items that I have not touched or worn in years and items that don't fit. I handed off more than 4 trash bags full of clothes to a friend. I was encouraged to hear that she passed along the items she did not claim to a girl whose house had burned down. Knowing I may have been a blessing to someone going through such a hard time seemed like more confirmation that I am heading in the right direction. 

I have had a handful of these small, quiet confirmations over the last week or so. Another happened when I was burning some old boxes that had been on the back porch for far too long. I was listening to iHeart radio and a song by Marshmello called Happier came on. (It was the stripped version if you look it up.) One of the lines in the chorus is: 

"Lately, I've been, I've been thinking
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier"

And I felt like it was God speaking to me. Telling me that He wants me to be happier than I have been over the last several years. The lines that follow are: 

"So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go
So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go"

I sang to Him that I'll go. And just felt peace wash away the stress and anxiety about moving. (I mean, they came back, but that was the most peaceful moment I've had in a really long time.) 

I don't know what all this journey will have ahead of me. I don't know what I don't know. So much to figure out.  I'm sure I'll have a few more panic attacks between now and until I feel settled in L.A. But I can hold on to this small moment of clarity in my backyard watching boxes burn.